Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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