Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
