flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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