I wanna bring you to show and tell
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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