Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
