My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
