Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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