So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
