I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
