Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
