we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
