everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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