At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
