Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
