I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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