You just made me feel so damn special
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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