I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
