No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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