3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I just sharted jello shots
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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