Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
