Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
