the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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