I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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