Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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