And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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