today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
