how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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