Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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