i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
