Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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