did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
