i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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