Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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