totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
