I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
