dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
