there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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