Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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