today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
