He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
