I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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