can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
