Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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