eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
