wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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