it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
