She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
