There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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