maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
