WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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