You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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