he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
